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Seven Reasons NOT to Get Married
"Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this" (1 Corinthians 7:28b).
Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul's realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of "love at first sight" and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul's opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore – whether they're contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years.
Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.
Consider each one carefully and honestly. You should probably not get married if...
1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own.
Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." In the Greek, "devoted" is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while "honor" is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiancé or spouse?
2. You are easily offended, carry grudges, and are unwilling to forgive.
An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13b).
3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically).
Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers – who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women – abuse for a variety of reasons. These include a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?
4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities, or vision.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.
5. You have an unresolved addiction problem.
"Like a city whose walls are broken down," Proverbs 25:28 says, "is a man who lacks self-control." The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.
6. Your career is the most important thing in your life.
Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as "a desire to put one's self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit," while vain conceit is identified as "groundless, empty pride." Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?
7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse.
As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." There's no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin.
Don't be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that's perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won't regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the "troubles" of marriage with unity and in God's power.
– Dr. Randy Carlson (Reprinted from "Insights and Inspiration," Family Life Radio newsletter, November 2006.)
"I've made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a servant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I'm convinced of the opposite." Bertrand Russell
Can you imagine this passage of Scripture quoted as part of a wedding ceremony? The Apostle Paul's realistic take on marriage goes against the romantic ideal of "love at first sight" and, even more, the belief that wedlock will bring perpetual bliss. But Paul's opinion on marriage (not surprisingly, Paul chose to remain single) does spotlight a truth that couples cannot afford to ignore – whether they're contemplating getting married, are already engaged, or have been wed for years.
Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.
Consider each one carefully and honestly. You should probably not get married if...
1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own.
Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." In the Greek, "devoted" is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while "honor" is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiancé or spouse?
2. You are easily offended, carry grudges, and are unwilling to forgive.
An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13b).
3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically).
Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers – who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women – abuse for a variety of reasons. These include a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?
4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities, or vision.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.
5. You have an unresolved addiction problem.
"Like a city whose walls are broken down," Proverbs 25:28 says, "is a man who lacks self-control." The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.
6. Your career is the most important thing in your life.
Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as "a desire to put one's self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit," while vain conceit is identified as "groundless, empty pride." Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?
7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse.
As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." There's no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin.
Don't be discouraged if you struggle with any of the above reasons. A quality marriage is not defined as one that's perfect. But do yourself, and your future or current spouse, a favor by committing to change or grow stronger individually in each area. You won't regret it, and will be able to face and overcome the "troubles" of marriage with unity and in God's power.
– Dr. Randy Carlson (Reprinted from "Insights and Inspiration," Family Life Radio newsletter, November 2006.)
"I've made an odd discovery. Every time I talk to a servant I feel quite sure that happiness is no longer a possibility. Yet when I talk with my gardener, I'm convinced of the opposite." Bertrand Russell
Labels: conflict, connecting
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